Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
