we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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