I need help removing her.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
