the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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