.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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