no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
