I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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