You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize