Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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