our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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