this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
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