i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
