Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
