Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His hands were made for my vagina.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
