just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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