there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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