i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
40s are totally the cure
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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