He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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