Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
