Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
