Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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