This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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