You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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