this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
