My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
