I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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