69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
