I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
