I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
