He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
