I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
