We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
