I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
