I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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