im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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