We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
