Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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