Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
