I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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