I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
