whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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