Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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