yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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