I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
