mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
