I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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