I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
