Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
