I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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