I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
