Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
