After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
