Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
