The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
