he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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