Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize