OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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