He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
