I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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