we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
