I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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