I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
