I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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