It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
