did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
love makes seman taste better
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Randomize