also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
