Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

We're facebook friends in real life

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

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(845): View more from New York

he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.

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(323): View more from California

Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.

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(727): View more from Florida

There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"

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(703): View more from Virginia

Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book

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(626): View more from California

I can't believe just smoked out of a pear

(909): View more from California

I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive

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