do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
