i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
