So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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