im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
