I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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