he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
