If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize