we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
