All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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