i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
