Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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