You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
