I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
