If i come over, it means nothing
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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