I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
