Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
